Penny Moodie often felt confused and like she was “going insane” a lot of the time.
For more than two decades, she kept up a facade of being fine, but she was suffering inside.
She didn’t realise until her early 30s that she had obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).
“I thought it was just me,” she said.
OCD is a mental health condition that involves intrusive thoughts and repetitive behaviours known as compulsions.
When someone with OCD engages in a compulsion, the anxiety may ease momentarily only to return stronger.
Victorian psychologist Dr Celin Gelgec described compulsions as “random thoughts that pop into people’s minds without any effort whatsoever and can take on different themes”.
“Then, because those thoughts make you feel uncomfortable, they then experience compulsions to make the thoughts essentially go away,” Dr Gelgec explained.
She said it could be problematic to trivialise OCD because those who genuinely have the condition are forced to “suffer in silence”.
She said referring to OCD as “something that’s a bit cute or funny” is “a slap in the face” for those living with it every day, and part of the reason it can take so long to receive support.
‘I no longer knew what was real’
Penny’s obsessions and compulsions began in primary school, in the form of rumination and seeking reassurance.
“I didn’t think I had OCD for such a long time because I grew up thinking it was just obsessively washing your hands until your hands bled, basically,” she said.
“It can be that for some people, but it’s so much more complicated than that”.
In her new book The Joy Thief, Penny described her 10-year-old self depending on her mum to convince her that she didn’t have AIDS.
“Constant rumination and reassurance seeking were the only ways I knew to pacify my anguish,” Penny wrote.
“I struggle to think about what I’d have done without my mum’s unwavering support.
“This is why one obsession I developed when I was 10 years old was particularly upsetting.”
